On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
