he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
