i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
