The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
