this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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