I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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