i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
A+ Viking dick
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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