I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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