I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize