so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
