Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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