I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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