A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize
