Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
