i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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