I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
