We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
