whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
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