it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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