doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
