I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize