areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
