I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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