apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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