Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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