Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
