they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
there is glitter all over my balls
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
