whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
