why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
