hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
