Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
