walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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