I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
