I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
