I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize