Can Purell be used as lube?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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