Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
