i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My feet surprised me
Randomize
