Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
