I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
