She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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