After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
