im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
