she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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