@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
