I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
