In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
