I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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