I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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