Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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