I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
