She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
