dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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