Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
