Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
