He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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