All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
