I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
