Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Randomize
