All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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