just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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