it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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