are you still at the devil's house?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Go christen that room with your naked body.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
