He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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