is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
