i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You pole danced in your parka.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
