ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
