This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
