He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
