The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
