Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
